July 13, 2011

A Little Show and Tell

I grew up in a very religious family where you didn't have sex or engage in any sexual play until you were married and you didn't date until you were ready to get married. Sex wasn't really discussed except to lay down the rules. I had a strong sex drive from an early age. I remember playing Barbies and my character was always sleeping with some guy, getting knocked up! Hahaha. I also masturbated regularly and not just during puberty when my hormones were raging.

As a teenager, I snuck behind my parents backs and started to experiment with masturbation, oral sex, and foreplay. I still didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. I didn't have the stereotypical first time. It was to a significantly older man in an open marriage so there was no relationship other than sex involved. It didn't hurt at all and I didn't bleed. I'm assuming this was from years of masturbation and tampon use. In fact, Mr. First didn't even know I was a virgin when we first had sex until a few years ago when I mentioned it to him. Guess I was just that good! ;)

Anyway, once I lost my virginity, I released a tigress! I wanted sex all the time and couldn't get enough. Unfortunately there were times when I was reckless and didn't use protection or contraception so let me just take this moment to thank what ever supreme being is out there for keeping me from contracting a disease or getting knocked up!! Regardless, I had numerous partners before getting married and slept with many of them multiple times, on and off for years. When I was horny, which was always, I'd simply call up my guys until I found someone who wasn't busy so I could get off. I had steady relationships sprinkled in among it all, some of which I was faithful in and others that weren't so lucky. It really depended on the sexual relationship we had. If we had sex often or whenever I needed it, I was faithful. But if the relationship wasn't that strong to begin with or our sex life was lacking, I probably went elsewhere to get what I needed.

I'll admit, there were times when I would question whether I had some sort of sexual addiction or problem because of my apparent need for sex, regardless of the consequences. I'm sure my upbringing and shelter (for lack of a better word) from sex didn't help. I am a contradiction in that I have both a strange disconnect between physical sex and emotional relationship but I also require a true emotionally sexual connection within my relationships. With only one exception in my lifetime, I have no problem maintaining a completely sexual relationship with out any emotional connection. It's just sex. In fact, there have been times when the man began falling for me or wanted more out of the relationship than I was looking for so I had to end it.

Still, after marriage and even children I remain a very sexual human being and I enjoy experimenting with new things. In fact, my husband and I have been discussing some role play, such as "meeting" at a bar and taking each other home. So I'll be sure to post about that as soon as we give it a try!!

No comments:

Post a Comment